Hello people, this is a blog mostly about comedy and stuff so if you don’t care about it, don’t read it. Just a warning so I won’t waste any more of your time.
(Note: At some points in this blog I reference people who “haven’t been doing comedy that long” and when I “first started out”. I want to make it very clear that I am still very new to comedy and I would even say still starting out and I know NOTHING about anything. But I have been doing it longer than anybody who has been doing it less time than I have. I am not claiming to be an expert on ANYTHING and apologize if at any point I come off sounding like a pretentious douche. These are just my thoughts and personal opinions on a couple of things because blogs by people who have been doing comedy longer than I have, have really helped me out so I’d like to do the same with what little knowledge I have. Again, I’m just some idiot who has been doing comedy a little while but still has MILES to go before I’d be considered good or know what I’m doing in the slightest. This blog is just an opinion on something, an opinion that merits no respect or even attention but you decided to read it and this is my blog)
Due to some unforeseen circumstances I recently re-watched some videos of my very early days of doing standup. (again, I am currently still very early in it, but I mean earlier) I cringed as I watched what few seconds of a few videos that I did. One thing I noticed that I get annoyed at by people who have done comedy once is something that I completely forgot I have done. A lot of people during their first open mic, or tenth or something like that, they will say “Being a comedian/as a comedian/I’m a comedian”. Every time I hear that from someone during their first open mic I just think “what a douche, he isn’t a comedian, he’s been on a stage once while his family and friends laughed at his stupid inside jokes”. I recently watched one of my videos where I say, and I quote (note, quotation marks to upper right hand side) “I like being a comedian, I’m not always a comedian…” this was maybe my…6th show? 7th?
I was truly embarrassed for myself, I realized that I was probably the guy on stage that the older comics in the back were saying “Who the fuck is this kid? He’s not a comedian and he probably never will be, WOW he sucks”. It was a very rookie mistake and part of me is glad I made it because that’s what made me learn. You have to fall before you can walk. Or somethin’. I know that one of my friends, who is a great comic now, and has been doing it for many years longer than I have, went over his time and got cut off during his first 3 minutes. I was shocked when I heard this. “How could someone this good, who knows so much about comedy do that?” The answer is of course the obvious one, he was a baby to standup as many people are (including me). But he learned from that mistake and now gets mad at people who do go over their time (as he should, it’s a dick/rookie thing to do). He gets upset like I do when I hear some guy say “I love being a comedian”. I think it’s such a pretentious thing to do, you don’t strum a guitar once and walk around saying you play guitar. But on the other hand, once you do comedy…you are a comedian…kind of….it’s weird, I know, and I don’t even have a real answer to the question I’m asking myself. I think that you are…but you aren’t…if that makes any sense (it doesn’t). Technically, when you make your first sale at a store, you’re a salesman…aren’t you? But that doesn’t mean the other salesman who have been doing it for years aren’t gunna say “This kid isn’t a fuckin salesman, he sold one vibrator”. (This metaphor takes place in a porn shop)
This brings me to my next point, the title of this blog. “Works at comedian”. A lot of times, the second after someone gets off the stage after their first open mic, they change their Facebook occupation to “comedian, or “comedian at comedian”, or something along those lines. I, again, am in that group. (I’m not proud to be, but it’s a harsh truth I’ve faced.) Maybe not right after, but within a month or two I did that. I shouldn’t have. I was an open micer (I am now, just barely, if at all, past that level now, which is debatable). The excuse I made for myself when I declared my self a comedian on Facebook was “now my friends that don’t know I do comedy will see that and come see my shows” or “if I add a comedian on Facebook and he doesn’t remember me, he will say, ‘oh, this guy is a comedian, I’ll add him’”. These are just the excuses I made for myself like “I worked out yesterday” and “I’ll wear a condom next time”.
Now, I’ve been lucky enough to have been paid to do comedy and work on a semi- (not really) regular basis (once or twice a month if I’m lucky, which I’m EXTREMELY grateful and lucky for). I don’t claim to be a professional comedian, because I am not one. I’d like to think of myself as one, but I don’t really believe I am. I like to think of myself who is above the title of “open micer” but below “working comic”. Could I be wrong? More than likely. Someone who has been doing it for 10 years could call me an open micer and I’d just say “yes sir/madam I am, may I shine your shoes for you and hear your comedy secrets?) Do I work, sometimes, yes. Do I still do open mics whenever I can and still have a shit ton to learn about comedy (including: A, how to do comedy. B, how to be funny. C, how to not suck. D, how to write a blog trying to give advice without sounding like a pretentious know it all) All of these things in the wrongly used parentheses are thing I’m trying to work on.
I may have said this in a previous blog but I’ll reiterate because you probably didn’t read it (smart move). I once heard a radio interview where they said that Jerry Seinfeld once said that the number of years you’ve been doing comedy, is basically your age. Also, Louis C.K. said that it takes 20 years to make a good comedian. These kind of correlate among each other. I’ll use myself as an example. I’m almost a 2 year old in comedy. I don’t know how to talk, can barely walk, and shit my pants on the regular. But, I can do those things better than a 6 month old, (not all of them, some 6 year olds are great at shitting their pants). Some people (very very few) are good at comedy from the start. I’m not one of those people, but I know some of them, and they’re great. I also know some people who have been doing it longer than that and haven’t received the luck I have to be where I’m at in the comedy world. It’s a weird world/business thing to be in. Going to Louis C.K.’s quote, A 20 year old may still have a lot to learn about life, but they can drive, walk, talk, handle a hangover, have sex, and win the lottery.
I’ll take another shot at myself. People should NEVER, wear shorts on stage. It is an “unspoken rule”. People who do this shouldn’t be allowed on stage. (Guess who wore shorts on stage for the first 3-4 months he did comedy…you’re right, Gabriel Iglesias. And the asshole writing this) When I wore shorts, (which I did every day in normal society) I thought I was gunna be the comedian known for not wearing pants…and I was…and not in a good way. Luckily, a comic emailed me and told me to stop, which definitely had an impact on where I am today (slightly above nowhere, barely). NO comic is where they are today on their own. It’s impossible. Other comics get you shows, give you advise, or maybe you just learn something from watching them, or maybe it was a friend who told you to do comedy or showed you where the open mic was in the first place. People make mistakes, and that’s ok, learn from them, grow, and go to bed. Goodnight.
P.S.I know this was a long blog, sorry. Thanks for reading.
(Can’t say this enough, didn’t mean to sound like a pretentious douchebag/asshole in this. I’m writing this to help anybody who wants/needs to be helped and because I wanted the writing experience. You should probably just ignore everything I’ve ever said. I know nothing about anything, just a guy with some opinions.)